There are lots of ways to "set your own difficulty". The Spirit Ashes are one of those, and there are dozens of them that ramp up in power. Certain weapons, Ashes of War abilities, spells and talismans are very strong, but finding them or even knowing what options exist might take a while depending on what route you take. Now on my 2nd playthrough I know exactly where some of the good early stuff is, but I still find myself full clearing every ruin, catacomb, cave, and camp just to get the runes and gear.
"Suckiness" is relative in these games. If you haven't died 500 times then you're doing better than like 95% of streamers. Being perceptive, looking in all directions for ambushes or traps, using stealth, sniping enemies or luring them from afar, are all important strategies. I see some people die 50 times in 20 minutes and don't care, whereas I'm the type to seethe after every hit I take and try to no-hit full dungeons using stealth, sniping, or whatever I can use.